Premartial Cohabitation and Marital Instability Essay

Premartial Cohabitation and Marital Instability - Essay Example Conflicts would then arise after several weeks when both discover that their assumptions are different and they have differences on views about certain issues. These differences in views can result in arguments and emotional conflicts which were not expected during the period of courtship. According to Markman (1993) "The reality is that while couples may seem to get along "OK" and while a man and woman may be "in love," it takes more than love to build a lasting, satisfying marriage. It takes an understanding of each other and of the dynamics of intimate relationships as well as the ability to effectively use relationship skills. Couples that participate in marriage preparation seem to have a higher degree of marital satisfaction and a lower divorce rate." There are many beliefs that give false assurance to couples that their marriage would work out in the long run. Those who cohabitate before marriage believe that having lived together gives them an edge in their relationship, perhaps knowing as much about themselves and their partners even prior to exchanging vows. However, research has shown that couples who have lived together have higher chances of divorcing. The reasons for this are not well understood but it is possible that people who are willing to live together are also more willing to get divorced. Evidence shows that cohabitation also develops attitudes which make people more receptive to divorce, such as the attitude that the relationship is temporary and can be dissolved (DeMaris and Rao 2000). Other believe that having children strengthens relationships. Studies have shown that the most stressful period in marriage is after the first child is born. Although couples who have children together have decreased risk of getting divorced, the decrease in the risk factor is only much lower than the time when parents were more likely to stay within the marriage "for the sake of the children" (Pape 1992). It is also believed that children who grew up in broken homes are more cautious about marital relationships and are strongly determined to avoid the possibility of divorce. It is popularly believed that those from broken homes lead successful married lives similar to those who come from intact families. However, studies show that there is a higher rate of divorce among children from broken homes than those from intact families. An explanation to this is that children learn about marital commitment and stability from their parents and those who come from broken homes have their sense of commitment and permanence compromised by their parents' divorce (Amato 2001). According to Gottman, professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle, it is what is considered "mundane" in life that creates the love in marriage. The connections established by couples in the numerous "mindless" moments result in positive emotional climates. Gottman published his findings after 14 years following 670 couples and monitoring their bodily responses using video cameras and sensors. He can somehow predict whether a couple would stay together or separate after a 30-minute interview (Marano, 1997). Dr. David Schnarch, who together with his wife Dr. Ruth Morehouse, describes their counselling practice: "Our approach focuses on people's adult strengths rather than their childhood wounds because what's good and solid in us is